U turn

I should have waited before making the statement "Things started getting better".....not at all....It took U turn....Things started getting worst now...Good Bye for few days till i get the confidence that "things turned good"...

US doesn't accept other citizen's Blood!!!

On August 12th 2009, i booked a schedule to donate blood. I prepared myself for blood donation at 9:00 AM near campus,

I stepped into van, one lady took my details and gave some material to read. After reading the material, they gave long questionnaire to complete...

Few questions were focused on my health and rest(most) of the questions focused on other nations visited.

Were you in UK during this period?
Are you from Africa?
Ever had sex with African male/female?

i was uncomfortable to donate blood, but i was continuing as there was no 'India' there and my intention is just to donate blood.

Finally, after filling the application....lady opened a record and found out my city information. When i told 'Hyderabad', she told "we are sorry that, you cannot donate blood if you were in this place anytime for the last 3 years as there were reports of Malaria". As you visited US in 2009, you can donate blood only in 2012 if you continue to stay here...

Guys, this is so irritating....i know blood donation is for my good health but at the same time, for your emergency. I am sure, you will have sophisticated techniques to test donated blood. If you have all these obligations, put an Online form as to determine eligibility of the donor....F...disgusting...

How Music turns you On and Off

There were lot of hiccups in short time and slowly passing by. When ever i go down, i scratch my head and ponder "what went wrong?". At that time, i isolate myself from others and feel isolated. Though it sounds foolish, i accept that am a fool during some part of life. In that process, i curse others around me...It all happened all these days. Slowly things started getting better. But i ordered myself to be pessimistic till things get much better.

Going back to July 26th...After boarding on to flight...

I don't remember the music part a lot. But i only remember that i was more towards fusion, rock, kind of addictive tunes....no soothing or melodious tracks.....i wanted to move out every emotion/fear from my mind...British Airways didn't provide made it worst by not having movies. I was expecting journey from Heathrow to Houston to be much better because most of the flights operate in that way...To my surprise, It was much horrible than Hyderabad to Heath row.

Flight got delayed for more than an hour as it was not getting runway. To avoid pollution, Airport used same runway for Departures and Arrivals making it a nightmare. I opened "Quiver Full of Arrows" and started completing stories too fast. Finally we got some room to move and flight started. I know it is a long journey and as an add-on to my frustration with delay, there was no in-flight entertainment. I have to rely on books. I am not a continuous reader and i am not capable of doing that. I planned to share my journey between Books, Music and sleep. To concentrate on books, i relied on Music and i made a long stretch completing short stories and reaching half of "Alchemist". Some how, i completed that journey.

Now Port of entry, It is the hell i got scared of so many times. Lady was sitting there, i know dealing with ladies is the toughest thing. But Q pushed me towards her. I wanna act like i missed something, go back and come again so that i can reach a guy, but thought like "what if i meet same officer again?". I thought its fine, i will go. Interview went for longer time than first time and faced so many unexpected questions. I was expecting a question asking some documents (which i am scared to show), but she never asked me. I was happy with the result and headed towards baggage, Luck followed me, my baggage is delayed. I have to fill the form with my address to which baggage is to be delivered. I do not have it, i was not prepared for this situation....blah blah blah...finally i submitted form...

i bought some basic things and checked into hotel room. Took a nice bath and reached rolling hotel on top floor, had a nice wine along with some food. There was lot of fun there (one guy was on high)...i took nap for not more than 4 hours and headed to airport. This time no (vegetarian) food on flight. F......i switched on MP3 and went on with nice soothing melodious songs, while listening i recollected all incidents from the past and reached final destination....

I got my baggage after 4 days. It was so frustrating...even then it happens...things starting getting little better now...But one final thing to make it much better can change the situation...

Lets see...Sincere Thanks to God for what ever happened till date :-) Hope he will be with me for ............(no time frame)....ever :P

Short n Interesting Love story by Co-Passenger

Stories like this should make my blog interesting. After tired Saturday, i woke up early in the morning at 2:15 AM. I got ready and as it is supposed to be a long term trip for me this time, my Mom and Dad were not excited. I just rested on my Mom for some time and my Dad massaging my hair giving some safety instructions.

My Flight was at 6:35 AM and i reached Hyderabad Airport at 4:00 AM along with my Brother, Dad, Bhabhi and my room mate, My mom didn't come as she had to take care of my nephew and niece. I checked in Online and i had short Queue a head. One Indian lady standing to my side was having chewing gum at that early morning and showing excess confidence (unnecessary) in the Queue. She must be permanent citizen or serving other country for long time. She wanted to pass this message to all fellow passengers (that She is not the first time traveller) and she was quite successful in doing that in quite a irritating way.

I collected my boarding pass and i took some pad to fill up immigration form. I am down because i know i am going to miss my parents, friends for long time. One of the Co-passenger (should be of my age, around 26) who was filling the form beside me got a call. He dropped his pen on the board and picked his mobile out from pocket. Glowing face replied back the phone

"Gooooood morning dear, Happy to hear your voice. Will call you once i complete security check"

He looked at me and gave a smile. i returned him the same.

We crossed security check together, he picked up his mobile.

"I thought i will wake u up in the early morning, but u called me..I am so happy dear"

I left him for a while and walked here n there and later went to book shop to buy some books. I again found this guy there on phone

"Shall i bring DVD's"

i am not sure of response, but he listed few DVD's and finally went to some books and collected some books. Normally such phone calls irritates others, but this call was so interesting and this guy was not disturbing others moving to the remote places and keeping his voice low.

I followed him, as that is the way to my terminal.

"This is a very short term relation, but i am very excited about this relation with you."

Few miss you, love you's after that...i pretended as if i am not listening to anything happening there..

"Come to US soon, we will live together till we get bored"

i am surprised, how dare you are to say that? you should get a slap or phone call should end here i thought..

Now i asked my inner to concentrate more on this story. In between the words,

"Wait for a sec, there is a flight announcement, looks like they are calling my name, hold on for a while"

"mm, its not me"

"I want some coffee now, your coffee will be so good"

I couldn't get away from the scene and want to know what is happening as this is the only interesting thing in airport at that early morning..

"Why are you not around my age? atleast some 4-5 years gap would have made it easy, but certainly we had a wonderful relation for life time and expecting to see you in US and we will have some more tours and rides."

also cursing the marriage system for some time..

mm...now i got the point..girl must be aged (AFAIK,young girls are not that matured to hear all these crap and offer coffee at home ).

Finally, he hung up

"Looking forward to meet you soon there"

Again Miss u's and Love u's and a final bye...His glow continued for a while with a long call. But he was dull after the switching off his mobile on flight. Later i thought about it for a while and came back to my state.

I would tell him..

A passing cloud made the climate cool and interesting for some time..Enjoy your trip and go on with life. Be a friend to her, so that the relation would stay for long time.

this lady, i referred in my second paragraph travelled with me till the final port. Both of us lost our luggage, but i didn't initiate any communication with her. Still the same confidence seen...

As i said, this is a long trip and still have 2 posts pending...

Its 4:54 AM in the morning...Sleepless in Seattle :-) , not because i am missing something...because of jetlag...

very long trip

Very long one indeed, will write about it as soon as i get time...3 interesting things to be penned are -

-> A Short n interesting Love story by Co-Passenger
-> How Music turns you On and Off..Different phases of this long journey..
-> About the books on flight...

My baggage is missing and i am so tired to add anything now...but interest to narrate above things forced me to open the blog...So adding a post to convince myself...

Jason Bourne's love towards India

I felt very happy when little part of the Bourne's series happens in India. Matt is back in Hyderabad to fulfill the basic needs of a slum in Hyderabad maintaining at most anonymity. Hats Off to him. This is inspiring and encouraging....

http://www.hindu.com/2009/07/11/stories/2009071158690300.htm

New York - DVD Movie

Watched it at Inox yesterday night. Movie had unanimous average talk. But all i can say, movie is worth a rental DVD.

Movie is inspired from Crash, Traitor and i heard something from Khuda ke Liye as well (I didn't watch it though). I watch lot of Crash in that movie.

Back ground music, different lost characters in US, The way Americans treat some community.

point director wanted to make is, Americans create terrorists and spend time and money hunting for them. He is successful in that. Good music is another add-on. But 3 Hrs of movie is unusual and unnecessary.

Its a time pass movie, but you will never find any originality in it.

I get a doubt, whats happening with Hindi Cinema, i happened to see Kambakht Ishq last week. Its a poor remake of a South Indian movie (Brahmachari). Additional headache being Silvester Stallone's fight with goons.

These 2 movies got some similarity as well, both the movies completely run on foreign ground. Its better to spend some decent money on some good projects rather than these junk projects.

Its time to stop watch Hindi cinema in theater till some movie gets unanimous hit talk.

Coorg - Scotland of India

I never saw Scotland, but i just named it because i heard it from many people. So if i see Scotland now, i may call it Coorg of Europe. No Surprise, so do not bother about the title.

Now as i some times wrote, Bloody dream is hunting me and i may go out for long term this time to US. Last few weeks can be termed as busiest days for me. Nothing was in my way, Client was escalating regularly. All i wanted is some rest, much away from my regular work.

We wanna freak-out. We are not interested in sight seeing. We don't want that congested trip. We have 2 places in mind now,

1. Bandipur - This would be my second time if i visit again. I loved this place at first sight. So we thought of booking a resort here and enjoy the nature here.

2. Coorg - Hyped place and as i already mentioned in title, Scotland of India.

After lot of discussion, we decided to visit Coorg. We booked a farm house there (I think its name is Serene Home), we googled a lot and got some information of Farm Houses around Coorg and finally considering availability, likes and dislikes we booked Serene Home.

We started from Bangalore at around 8:30 towards Coorg. We took breakfast at a small and famous Tiffin center (Butter Idly). I was surprised to see a wine shop in every 5 KM's gap.

Our first halt after breakfast was at Tibetian village. You will not see many Indians there. Those small eyed tibetians. They seem to be little away from civilization but did some wonderful manual work to supply resources to their plants. Its just my observation and may not be complete truth as well.

Headed to Coorg from there, it is a long trip for us via ghat roads and Coffee plants. Complete greenery and big trees will make you feel like you are in the middle of thick forest. But you are not, they are just coffee estates. Finally, we met our point of contact (Navya and her son). We followed them to reach the farm house. We were worried about the distance, but it is such a wonderful place away from world. Except for watchmen and his family, no one stays. You will have water falls, coffee plants around.

I do not remember the name of the owner, but his family's gesture was so good. They brought us home made wine, food (Yummy !! isn't sufficient). Camp fire in the night in the middle of big trees made us feel like heaven and we enjoyed to the core. We played lot of games there.

The next day, we visited the entire coffee plants, water falls and started that afternoon. On the way, we visited TALA KAUVERI, the starting point of kauveri river. Thats a part of poor plan, we shouldn't have visited it. We missed the bus and we wasted lot of money there.

But this might be the last trip with my friends before traveling to US. It was good and we enjoyed it with in that short period.

10 @ London

One word, good experience. After lot of mess, i got my final travel date, May 25th. This time, it was Emirates and an unusual stop Dubai as a part of cost cutting. Dubai is wonderful place to stop by, but 16 hour journey to London is unusual. How ever, one of my friend always desired to see me in Dubai, i got a chance to stay there for 4 hours at least. I did some window shopping so that i can plan some purchase during my return.

Finally i landed at one of the busiest airport, Heathrow. It was 9 PM but i just felt like 6 PM. I collected my baggage and walked towards customs. I hardly saw 3 customs officers taking care of 3 passengers and rest of the people on their way to exit. I didn't expect this poor security check. I came out and i took a cab towards Harrow. I assumed some honesty with cab people and didn't check distance and fare much before. He charged me 69 pounds, which is thrice the normal fare ( I realized it on the 10th day).

I have passed all the congested roads and this cab driver has shown no mercy towards traffic. Finally he dropped me in front of a big apartments. I just entered my apartment, where 2 other office colleagues were staying. The kitchen was in horrible shape with lot of cockroaches and other insects (caterpillar i guess). The less i explain other stuff, the better i feel about the place i stayed.

Next morning, i took Oyster card and took tube towards client place. There is nothing much to explain from here as the days passed by like that.

On the week end, we visited near by pub and had some good time. Next day, i accompanied my friend during shopping as he was leaving to India. From that Sunday, i am alone at guest house (2 people left). On Sunday, I visited London Eye (which is supposed to give a clear picture of London during flight, as i don't have map or any other guide, The journey went on all assumptions about London). Next visit is to West Minister's abbey, which bags lot of history and it was amazing to see how English people preserve their old monuments. Next visit is to Madame Tussuad's or other wise known as Wax museum. It contains truly a wonderful collection to attract all kind of people from all places and some wonderful work. I got confused some times when i see the wax statue of some unknown person and a real person having photograph with it. It was a fun.

Next day, i booked a ticket for a cricket match(India versus Newzealand T20 match) at Lords. I always wanted to visit London once and i did it. Pleasure watching Indian team playing at one of the best cricketing venue. It was fun watching the match though India lost. You're not alone when you watch Indian cricket. I just walked back to Baker street station, on the way i saw 221 B, Baker street (The famous Sherlock Holmes Home).

I wanted to visit other places, but had to return to Mumbai on Friday due to personal reasons and turned back. Again via Dubai to Mumbai. I did minimum shopping at Dubai.

I could have made it to Oxford, tower bridge, Cambridge if i had some time and Rome, Scotland if i got schengen visa and time.

Overall, it was a good short visit to England. I enjoyed the public transport, the old buildings and Lords Cricket ground.

AP people extend support to Congress again

This is not like regular election. The battle was not one side or the battle was not between 2 traditional parties. 2 new parties emerged, Praja Rajyam and Lok Satta.

The founder of Prajarajyam being Dr Chiranjeevi, it started and emerged with lot of hype. Party president and family took the rein of the party and slowly at the end, it was completely a family party. Party president being crowd puller attracted many people to attend road shows but failed drastically to turn them into voters. Party was open to leaders from other parties. In this process, it concentrated less of cadre formation at ground level. At the end, Allu Aravind became the sole decision maker and Chiranjeevi was inaccessible for many people to receive and review any complaints. Both Chiranjeevi and Aravind were on high dreaming bigger picture and failing to capture reality. Party was a disaster with its president losing to gain confidence of voters in his own constituency.

The founder of Loksatta being Dr Jayaprakash Narayanan (Ex IAS), it emerged as more technical party and bagged lot of youth following. Dr JP with his powerful speeches attracted many young people and turned them into voters. Being an IAS officer, his speeches were little technical, motivating and attractive. But JP's words some time doesn't match his action. JP always try to forecast himself as a different guy in arena and avoids doing few things which people really need. There is no other known leader in Lok Satta party apart from JP.

TDP, a traditional party has left no stone unturned. It uses film stars from nandamuri family to the max and it joined hands with other parties like TRS, CPI and CPM. This alliance and the publicity attracted few voters and party performed better compared to previous term.

Congress, with its various schemes reached the borders. Waiving loans, Free cure in private hospitals, Houses to poor etc schemes has made congress single largest party. In addition, party will act very soft towards corruption or terrorism which bagged them lot of votes. Pure vote bank politics worked out in Andhra Pradesh and India. Ofcourse, other parties failed in doing vote bank politics as well. Congress looked like a better party compared to other 3 parties and voters decided to extend support.

All the best Congress and All the best Andhra Pradesh.

Back in Hyderabad

To Continue my last post, i got the passport in the same week (Friday). I have made my arrangements to return to India on Saturday. My Company's travel desk ppl were kind enough to execute my short notices. On Friday evening, i made some quick shopping to buy few things for my nephew and niece. Return journey was good as i was reaching my home. This time Lufthansa did some favor to me in the form of personalized seat monitor and set of movies to watch from Frankfurt to Hyderabad.

The days passed, My father came to visit me on Tuesday and i had plans to visit Pune that week end to meet rest of my family members. At the same time, i was supposed to travel to UK that week end. UK trip was uncertain and this resulted in cancellation of my Pune trip. Then UK trip got postponed. My inside asks me, when i will be good at taking decisions during uncertain times? I would say, soon, may be after 5 more such incidents. Anyway, i could not meet my family that week.

I think that week was destined to meet my friends. In the middle of the week, i had very good time with an old new friend. I have invited my friends to visit Hyderabad during the week end and they did it. Saturday being the D-day for our state (Elections results are going to be announced on that day) and the sun is right on our head, we did not plan anything out side. We started partying inside and we were eager about election results. Election results were little unexpected and disappointing. But the party didn't stop. The 20-20 match between Deccan Chargers and Kolkatta Knight riders was like a thriller added to our party. We partied till the morning recollecting the incidents in the past. Without sun, it would have been far batter, but take it as it comes.

UK trip is yet undecided....

Monday Morning

I was eager and was expecting something to happen last week when Monday started. I was waiting for my passport to come back. It was on 30th April (Thursday), my stay was getting expired and British embassy was still holding my passport(from 15 days) for Business visa processing. I know, i have a valid reason but am worried about remark on passport that i am staying longer than i was legally allowed to.

To brief something about process, it will take 5-15 working days for British embassy (Los Angeles) to process any travel visa. But they opened my packet after 10 days on receiving my application and they started calculating 5-15 days from the day they opened. We have asked them to cancel my application and send the passport back immediately, they didn't respond even to that. Looks like they have SLA of 20 days to respond to faxes. This sounds obnoxious, but will have to bare them.

Now we applied for extension on my stay for 1 more month. This Monday is quite good, fresh, no expectations, no nervous feeling.....Bare with boring stay for few more days for my passport and few bucks....Now uncertainty is all over, don't know the next day.

Paper Media on its way?

While it has been a month i heard about Chicago Sun times from www.hmm-m.blogspot.com, its now Source Interlink the magazine distributor and Publisher filing chapter 11 and going private.

Source also increased its magazine rates recently. Are people really giving a glance at the articles on tables? In my experience, NO in recent days.

If Honda releases a new car, a review of a magazine by source interlink after a month will be useless while internet world would have circulated lot many things about that car.

Paper media is not an easy thing to be wiped out, but it surely will become more or less like mails through post card.

http://www.foliomag.com/2009/source-interlink-files-bankruptcy-goes-private

Source is still in Business anyway, all the best for them :-)

Google unveils India Election Center

Wave of elections touched technology resulting in few innovations..A very good place to explore your constituency for naive followers

Flogged in Pakistan and Marital rape legalised in Afghanisthan

Barbarianism is growing in few Islamic nations. Women are considered as from another planet and there is no good reason for survival of women in these nations other than Love & Lust.

Afghanistan law details - http://www.reuters.com/article/asiaCrisis/idUSL2330877

Pakistan girl flogging - http://www.hindu.com/2009/04/04/stories/2009040454421500.htm

Why do you flog a women, if she goes out with her father-in-law?

Why do you allow marital rape, when she doesn't like it? Are you some kind of animals?

Is Pakistan still the country where Lady Bhutto was Prime Minister? I doubt. Why don't these male animals who flogged a 17 year girl hang them self as they were ruled by a lady prime minister few years ago?

I sincerely hope some change and revolution in these countries soon...

Varun vows to cut heads, Rahul defends tytler..

While Varun, a well educated young politician who seemed to be future potential leader made fundamentalist remarks on a community , Rahul Gandhi with same qualification shared stage with Tytler. Rahul completely forgot the statement made by him last year on Anti Sikh riots, "the riots in 1984 against Sikh Community were absolutely wrong and the perpetrators should be brought to justice" and shared stage with Tytler.

Varun made it straight while Rahul approached it politically. What so ever, these two Nehru-Gandhi descendants are being shaped out as traditional politicians by their parties and doesn't seem promising.

Bloody dream is almost true

It started playing with me....I didn't get the fruit of it but it started depressing me....

Hiking Mission Peak

Is Hiking completely new to me? Not completely. I use to take over 3000 steps and covering little over 8 Miles to the reach out the famous temple of Tirumala. Well i shouldn't call it hiking because the better terminology is pilgrim walk.

Alright, last week end i joined 2 other friends Phani and Chandu to reach out the peak of Mission Peak regional preserve. Being Sunday, parking lot was occupied and extra mile is added as we parked our vehicle little away from parking lot.

Coming to Mission Peak, A steeply curved mountain about less than 3 miles. Weather was cloudy and encouraging. We started moving through the grassy hills. All you can see is green hills, cattle and few hikers (with their pets). So you will be rewarded only with a view of bay area and few lost calories when you reach peak. It was warmer till the end of second mile. As we started approaching peak, wind started hitting us hard and our hands almost paralyzed. We soon decided to head back down. we completed 2 water bottles and less than 10 snaps by now. We took 150 minutes to reach the peak. The path was steady many times making it little easier to beginner. Our return didn't take much time. We made it in 30 minutes completing our 6 miles trip in 3 Hours.

Altogether it was a good trip with a good view of Bay area, Green hills and Cattle.

Approach during any operation - My experiences and suggestions

Approach for any operation lacking financial funds

Few of my friends thought, it would be useful if i post the knowledge on hospitals and financial adjustments for operations i gained so far. Alright here are they -

Hospitals you can approach -

Most of the institutions take care of heart surgery - If any kid is suffering from heart problems, they can contact Sri Sathya Sai Hospitals for free treatment, Find the address and email below -

Sri Sathya Sai Institute of Higher Medical Sciences
(A Unit of Sri Sathya Sai Medical Trust)
EPIP Area, Whitefield,
Bangalore-560 066
INDIA

Email: adminblr@sssihms.org.in
Tel: +91 80 28411500
Fax: +91 80 28411502

This hospital is always crowded and it is tough for you to get appointment, this free treatment requires lot of efforts. You may call them or you may email them with latest reports to get some information before you go. All they will say is to come there, but stress on availability because you cannot go all the way to bangalore and hear somethink like "It will take some time to get your turn". Now if you cannot get a bed at Sathya Sai, direct towards Narayana Hrudayalaya, here is the address -

Narayana Hrudayalaya,
No. 258/A,
Bommasandra Industrial Area,
Anekal Taluk,
Bangalore – 560 099.
Mail: hrudayalaya@sify.com or devishetty@hrudayalaya.com .

Narayana Hrudayalaya is one of the best hospitals in India and a kind hearted heart hospital too. All you need to do is carry a letter from your surpunch (head of the village in some authenticated letter pad) or from your office or any minimum thing you can get to convince them on your financial inability. You can certainly expect atleast 50% of discount from this hospital.

I am not sure about other hospitals, but you may try this trick any where (By trick, i hope i am not sending any wrong signals).

Sources of Money:

Many of these apply for people living in Andhra and very few may be general -

-> Bring your position to the notice of any news editor so that this information is published in some news paper, wait for 20 days to get some positive signs from donors. Sticking the notice at internet centers will also be a good option. If not funds, get some moral support and contacts who might help you in one or other way.

-> If you are a white card holder in Andhra, get arogya sree card with all the information. You can visit near by Govt hospital and ask them to refer to some good hospital and good doctor (if they know). Once they refer you to any hospital in Hyderabad (Not necessarily Hyderabad, opt it only if you have no choice at district head quarters), Try to get some reference in Hospital through the media reporter in your place or any other resource (this becomes very much necessary because its not easy to get treatment through arogyasree). If you don't get arogya sree in time, do not hesitate to get the attention of hospitals using your ration card. get a letter of authentication from MRO or Collector.

-> If you are not a white card holder, still you require money. Reach out CM camp office with a petition requesting some donation. Reach out opposition party office with a petition to fund them.

The efforts you put will never go waste in maximum cases. Put a comment here, if you need my help as well :-).

To all others, form a group in your community to collect some money when ever you come across any such cases in news papers.If you have a group of 10, you can collect Rs 1000 easily to donate. So when ever you come across such incident, spread it and try to gather some funds.

I will keep it updated with all latest information. Please put a comment, if you want me to add something.

Interpretation of this dream..

This is that nightmare..

I am sitting at hospital. This girl colored white and bubbly look is busy with her work running around me. I turned my attention towards her. I want to grab her attention as well.

Here is a commercial break, i woke up for some reason.

It is not regular that dream continue after a break, but we are at pub dancing after this break. one more person joined, i don't know who this guy is. I took a break and they both started dancing. i went asleep. The next morning i wake up, no one is available. I am angry and scared now. i started moving home. Everyone at home (Including her family) were talking to each other. I am scared, whether to reveal the truth or not. I am scared, what happened to her? Where is she gone? Why wasn't i knocked while she is leaving? Is she in some danger? Lot of questions revolving. I am speaking to everyone half hearted. i am not sure, who is going to question me about her.

Suddenly she comes back with all bloodstains on her body. I am scared and happy. But everyone started happily suggesting without going much into details..there it ended.

Now whats in real life..

I am running after some opportunity, of course not a girl. That opportunity is not a piece of cake for me now. Am putting some good efforts to grab that opportunity. If i grab that opportunity, there will be one more problem i have to face. I have to face people and play hard game if required.

If dream interpretation is true, i should be grabbing that opportunity with all these pains.